Looking like a Mom

Okay, I want to know something. When did looking like a Mom become a fate worse than death? When did our country become so obsessed with perfection and youth that being a mom was okay, but looking like one was to be avoided at all costs. Is there any other job or identity out there that people want to have but not to appear to have? How did we get so backward? Why do mother's magazines and catalogs all have pictures of perfectly thin, perfectly dressed, perfectly made up, perfectly cellulite and stretch mark free bodies, with perfect breasts? How realistic is that? What is so atrocious about a few stretch marks? These are signs of a woman who has achieved the ultimate in femininity. What is so horrible about breasts that look as if they have nurtured and fed babies? Why do we all so dread "looking like a mom?" What is so wrong with looking as if you are giving it all to your babies, and so maybe you didn't have the time to put on makeup, and spend an hour on your hair? What kind of mothers are the women who "don't look like a mom?" Are they just so great that they have time for everything. Ha! Maybe if they have a super laid back baby who doesn't need a lot of mothering, then they may have time for looking like a super model (or a "supermom") but then, does her baby get less attention? As for the notion that a woman can manage to attend to her baby properly, never denying him her attention and love, and still manage to look like a supermodel: I put that under the category of "Anything's Possible." You know, like my chance of being discovered at the grocery store and whisked away to Hollywood to begin my career of super stardom. It could happen, but I'm probably more likely to win the lottery. I'm not trying to make anyone feel like a bad mom, here, by the way. I'm just at odds with the what society in our culture expects of mothers. Okay, yeah, I think Mom Jeans are hideous. But if I see a woman out in public with her small children, and she's dressed in sweats, with her hair in a ponytail, with no makeup on, I know that there is a woman who cares more about her children, and about being a mom, than about looking like one. Why don't we honor mothers the way other cultures do? Sure, most people are nicer to pregnant women, and give them some special treatment, but once you have that baby, you're expected to loose the baby weight immediately and look like you just stepped out of a magazine. Some women are just lucky; they are thin no matter what, they are those adorable pregnant women whose bodies are perfect the whole way through pregnancy, except they just look like they swallowed a bowling ball. They loose the weight without even trying. My best friend is like that. She's gorgeous the whole way through pregnancy and after. But she doesn't look like a magazine, either. She's gorgeous in a natural way. So why can't we start looking at all mothers like that? Beautiful as people, as dedicated mothers? Not just as women. Why does your relevance and usefulness seem to vanish as soon as you "look like a mom?" Don't most men want their wives to be good mothers? Isn't that, shouldn't that be any mother's goal? To be a good mom? Not a beautiful, perfectly airbrushed, made up mom. A real mom. A mom who cares more about her childrens' welfare than her own appearance. That being said, we mothers do have to honor the woman that we are, and take care of ourselves, or we risk feeling resentful or angry. But we need to cut ourselves some slack. I may be one of those women who "looks like a mom." I'm lucky to get a shower. Sometimes I might almost forget to brush my teeth. I try to remind myself that "supermom" is a myth, and I can't expect to look perfect. I wish I didn't feel so bad about the way I look. I'm pretty sure the pressure comes from living in this culture. Hopefully some day soon, we will start to expect moms to "look like moms." Does anything in the world make more sense?

Well, I quit Neem Tree. This all happened a week ago today. Asha (owner of the spa) wanted me to give her a massage, and long story short, she made up a lie and left the table, and called Lana and bitched her out, saying that it was all wrong; I didn't do the circles on her shoulders right, and the pressure was not enough, even though I asked her how the pressure was, and she told me I could give her a "little more," which was obviously not what she really wanted. HOW I ask you, can I read her mind?! What is with these people? I am not a robot. I cannot give the exact same massage to every client with the exact same pressure like a machine. Who would want that anyway? I know the shushupti, the warrior, all that, and I do it just like they do. I don't know what she wants. Ugh. Asha called and left me a message, but she didn't answer when I called back. I just felt like what she did was a total slap in the face. If she would have told me what she really wanted, it would have been different. Instead, she lied and left. How do they expect to keep people when they won't let you have tips, have no clients, won't let you leave if you have no clients, and want to dictate your every move during a massage? I am not kidding you, she even said I wasn't breathing right! COME ON! You are going to tell me how to breathe too! Give me a break. I think if Asha opened a restaurant, she would only serve her own favorite dish, because that's what she likes, so that must be what everyone likes. It's okay to have a signature treatment, but realize that not everyone will be into that. Maybe that's why they are so lacking in clientèle. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm leaving; I'm going tomorrow to get my stuff (I brought a heater, my stool, everything). I will still talk to Asha if she wants to talk to me, but I really just don't think I can continue there. That really hurt my feelings. I have enough insecurity about my ability as a massage therapist as it is. I would like to tell her how I feel. Not to mention the fact that they are misclassifying their workers as independent contractors, so they don't have to pay the taxes. I looked it up, and by the IRS's definition, we are NOT independent contractors. I think they are doing it on purpose, which could land them fines, back taxes with interest, require them to pay all the taxes their employees already paid back to the employees, and even result in criminal charges. Lana (the spa manager) said she was sure that I knew what I was doing, and that she would not have booked me if she felt I wasn't capable. I gave her a massage. I gave Josie ( my coworker who is also a massage therapist) a massage, and I gave Zaundra (also a coworker) a warrior in training. Asha said in her message she was going to come train me, but shit, I've been doing massage for four freaking years now, how much training is it going to take? She said in her message that she feels that I have "enormous potential." What? I've been doing massage for four years now with only potential? I see why they have been through so many people. I really like Lana and Josie and Zaundra. They are really fun and everything. I'll miss them. I don't think Asha realizes that it is b/c of her that I am leaving. That was total bullshit. If she can't tell me what she wants in a massage, how can she expect me do it?!! Plus, I just don't think I can stomach being "trained" by someone who is not even a massage therapist. It was hard enough having Lana training me, and feeling like everything I was doing was wrong. I loved the spa, it was so beautiful. I loved the way they treated their clients. They actually care about their clients, unlike Spa Sydell. I just think if a person comes in and pays 110-150 dollars for a massage, they should damn well get exactly what they want and need, not just the standard treatment. I'm truly grateful for the experience; it inspired me to want to open my own spa (well, with my trusty partner, you know who you are ;). It gave me tons of ideas. Now I'm happy to be home with my baby, where I belong. I am not going to try the full time thing again. It just didn't work out. That was a big part of why I couldn't keep working at Neem Tree. To be there all day, with no clients, and have to just sit around thinking about my baby and missing her was just too much. I couldn't take it. That was a big factor in my decision. But mainly, it was Asha. I was really offended by her leaving the table like that, and I think she's forgotten what it's like to be trying to earn your living doing services. Well, that's the story people.

Preview

Who wants a cookie-cutter massage? Do you think you want the same massage as the last person I worked on? The same pressure? The same everything?!!!
More to come.

It's 2:26 am! What the hell am I doing up?!

Oh man, am I behind on my blogging. That would be due to the fact that I have NO time. You should see my house. Since my child is a hardcore sleep fighter, she now usually doesn't go to sleep until midnight or so (oh yeah, we are talking 12 in the am) because I have pretty much given up on trying to get her to sleep when she has no mind to. It just creates frustration. So, I have no time for this blogging thing. If I try to do anything on the computer, she's right next to me, clicking the mouse and pushing every button she can reach. She's shut down the computer a couple of times somehow. Repeat after me: you will miss these times someday. Maybe I'll do some updating at work since I seem to never have anything else to do. Hey people! Come get a massage already!

Soapbox Monday

Okay, it's time for me to get on my soap box. Let's talk about massage. I talked to my close friend from massage school, who works at the school we went to teaching massage. She told me that now our beloved school, which used to be the one of the best in the country, is now enrolling students with no screening process. When we applied to school, we had to write an essay, we had to interview, we had to have references. It was serious. Now, they don't do any of that. Why is all of that important? I'll tell you. To keep all of the people who shouldn't be doing massage out of massage. I guess the changes (and there have been many, many changes at this school during the past couple of years, resulting in many, many wonderful teachers leaving, not to mention the deletion of many classes that I felt were transformational and very important to my experience) are due to the emergence of all of these "bandwagon" schools. Schools that aren't really massage schools offering massage programs. I'm talking about Everest (formerly GMI), ACT, Sanford Brown, and the myriad others that all decided to jump into massage. They appeal to people who want a way to make decent money without going to college. They make you think that in just a few months you can be making "very good money" as a massage therapist. These are not massage schools! They just added it in their curriculum. They may satisfy the basic requirements of teaching massage, but they produce substandard massage therapists. Sorry if I'm offending anyone. Let me say this: if you have a natural talent for massage and you go to one of these schools, you'll probably still be a good massage therapist, but not as good as you could be. I'd like to think that most people who do massage started out with some natural talent. But some people think that you can make all this money doing massage, and that's why they get into it. Well, I'm here to tell you people, you'll never get rich doing massage. If you could do 8 massages a day every day for years and years without burning out, then yeah, you would make a ton of money, but it's just not possible. All the b.s. they give you about making your own hours is crap, too. Even if you work for yourself, you have to be there when your clients want you to. Only when you've built up a very large and reliable clientèle can you decide when you want to work, and that takes years. What these new schools have done is ruin massage. Pretty soon you are going to see that it is damn near impossible to get a good massage, because there will be all of these people out there, just doing it for the money, and that makes for a CRAP massage. You have to do it b/c you love it. My friend told me that her students were complaining about having to learn anatomy! Please people, what did you think you were getting into? We learned chemistry, for crying out loud! But that's not all it takes to be a massage therapist. You have to be completely okay with all aspects of the human body, and all it's variations in shape and size. You have to be patient and compassionate, you have to be able to create a healing and open space for the client. It's all about them. You should ideally be kind of an organic eating, natural living, hippy-dippy, peaceful, recycling, one with nature kind of person (I don't want you to think you have to be liberal, or even a democrat; that's completely separate) because that's who massage therapist are, that's why we became massgae therapists, because we are like that! These schools appeal to quick-fix, I gotta make money the quickest and easiest way I can kind of people. They are ruining massage! I am so dissapointed in the current state of massage. I have to put a note in here about those massage membership places too, like massage envy. I have to first say that I take advantage of it, too, because I love getting massage and I want to be able to get one regularly, and trading isn't always easy to do. So yeah, I go to massage envy, so that's why I can tell you that it's really really tough to get a good massage there. I think it's for a few reasons. One, these people are paid crap, and I'd rather work as a parts delivery driver than do massage at one of these places. Two, they are booked back to back with no time between massages, and three they have to do so many just to make money. So, how can you expect to get a good massage? You have to weed through all the crap massages, find a good therapist, and hope they don't quit before your next massage. Plus, they cut your massage really short. They pick you up late and get done early. It's not their fault, it's just the way it is at those places. Well, I really hope that massage isn't completely destroyed by all of these fake massage schools. I think that the market will soon be so saturated with massage therapists that people who aren't cut out for it will stop seeking out these fake schools. I just hope that it isn't too late for the real schools to go back to the right way by then. I know that if I was hiring massage therapists, I would not hire anyone who graduated from any of the new schools, who graduated from my school any later than I did, or who graduated recently from any school in GA. I hate to say it, but it's the way I feel. Peace.

Frustration

There is nothing more frustrating than a tired baby who won't go to sleep, especially when you are exhausted too.

Slacking

Wow, it seems this blogging thing has gotten away from me a bit. Why does that not surprise me? Part of it's because sometimes I don't really have anything particularly interesting to say, part of it's because I spent all my internet time shopping or "window" shopping, and part of it's because I just couldn't find any time period. Another birthday has come and gone. They are so anti climactic when you're a grown up. Especially when you'd rather they start going backwards. I started a new job last week and it's sooooo different from my old one, in good and bad ways. I'm glad to be doing something new though. I'm thinking I won't stay there for years like I did with Spa Sydell, but we'll see. I hope that sooner rather than later I will figure out a way to be at home with my baby full time. I hate going back to work full time but I can't get around it right now. I gotta go manifest some money into my checking account.

Time

I just cannot believe how fast time goes. My little baby is getting so big now. She is running all over the house, chasing the dogs and grabbing their tails. They are so good with her, especially Boortz. Bovi is tolerant but he doesn't really like being messed with, but Boortz will just lay there while she climbs all over him and bounces up and down on him. What a good boy. It's unbelievable to me to think it's been a year since I went back to work from my maternity leave. Just unbelievable. I've just now gotten to the point where I don't feel like I just had a baby. I kinda still look like I did. Wow, if I could just loose this last pesky 30 lbs. Of course, ten of it was already there when I got pregnant. Oh well, I will be able to wear all my old clothes again someday, but in the meantime I am trying to put all that energy I used to spend hating my body into loving it, and trying to focus on being healthy, not thin. Exercise and eat right to feel good and be healthy, not to loose weight. That way I don't feel like a failure if the weight doesn't just melt away. It is harder to loose weight now than it used to be, but I think that's partially due to the fact that I'm still nursing. That makes it harder, I've heard. Anyway, I'm really trying to see myself as a beautiful spirit and get away from being so concerned with my appearance. At least for right now, I'm the most beautiful woman in the world to my baby, and that's what really matters.

October 3

The older she gets, the more she trashes the house. I suppose I can never expect this to end. I have to keep reminding myself that there will always be time for a clean house later, but she is growing up so quickly and I need to enjoy this time as much as I can, messy house or no. But gosh, do I wish I had the money for a housekeeper. People who have this luxury don't know how lucky they are.

October 2

Well, my house is a wreck, I'm completely exhausted, and I'm drowning in "stuff." For the first time in my life, I want to have less stuff, and it seems to be avalanching onto me, mostly in the form of my husband bringing in all this stuff that his clients give him. You wouldn't believe what people will just give away. Some of it is really good. A lot of it is junk, of course, and it's filling up my basement and garage. I don't know how to convince him that it's too much. He has no idea what it's like to be a mom who just wants an orderly house. There was something else I wanted to put in here but I can't remember what it was now. Guess it wasn't that important. Maybe I'll remember later.

October 1

I cannot believe it's already October. That means I've been back to work for a year already. Time just keeps going by and it seems to be going faster and faster. Kind of like this show I just watched about time travel. It was on the Science Channel. This was some very interesting stuff. Did you know that the faster you are moving, the slower time is? How crazy is that? So when you get on an airplane, you move forward imperceptibly in time. We're talking mere seconds here, but still. Don't ask me to explain it, b/c it's way over my head. All I know is, if you get moving faster than the speed of light, you actually move backwards in time. But you have to use a wormhole, b/c if you are in a spacecraft the gravity will smash you, b/c the faster you move, the greater your mass, so when you get going that fast, the gravity smooshes you like a bug. Well, that's all for now. Gotta go see what the crumb-snatcher is up to.

Cingyness

Introducing....my new blog! That's right people, get ready for some serious excitement. There's nothing better than reading all about the adventures of a fifteen month old and her teetering on the edge of sanity mother. Okay, maybe that's a bit much. This morning was tough though. Saturdays are the one morning that I MUST be able to get up and take a shower and get out of the house so I can go to work. It didn't go that well this morning. Little miss E did not want me to go anywhere. After half an hour of trying to nurse her back to sleep, I decided to hand her over to Dad. This did not go well. Before I could even get in the shower, I hear her screaming and have to come to her rescue. Time continued slipping away, but eventually I was able to extricate myself for the world's fastest shower. Then I try to come check my bank account only to find that my computer mysteriously turned itself off sometime in the middle of the night. Awesome. I had to convince it to turn back on and then wait FOREVER for it to boot up and get ready to go. Thank goodness my paycheck actually did make it into my account. Yeah for not overdrawing!
Eowyn has been super clingy these past couple of weeks. She doesn't want to go to anyone else and she always starts crying the moment she sees me when I pick her up after mass at the nursery (even though they always assure me that she was fine the whole time), and she did the same thing when I went to pick her up at the Allgood house today. She's never done that before. Weird. I guess it's just one of those phases.