LLL Conference

We went to the LLL of Georgia (that's La Leche Leauge) in Helen this past weekend and had a blast.  Miguel went with me this year and took Eowyn to all the kids' activities.  At one point he told me that he said to Eowyn, "come on Eowyn, let's go make some more garbage."  I thought that was pretty funny since most of the stuff they made, like a miniature boat made of sticks and yarn, and a rain stick made out of a paper towel tube, probably will end up in the trash.  But she had fun and got to see a opossum and touch a snake in two of the activities.  And Miguel also told me I was missing all of the good stuff.  But I was there to go to the different sessions offered, including two led by Dr. Bob Sears, so that was really cool.  Plus we had a lot of fun in downtown Helen taking carriage rides and checking out all the shops and taking tons of pictures.  It's so great to get away and go somewhere without having to worry that my children are causing a disturbance and not to have to think about nursing in public.  I blend right in.  I love LLL and conference so much that I have been thinking a lot about becoming a LLL leader.  I like LLL so much that I want to be involved with it long after my kids are weaned.  I actually had registered to attend the session entitled, "is leadership for you?" but I must have been the only one since they cancelled it.  Oh well, I'll just talk to my LLL leader about it at the next meeting.  

On a sad note, I found out that I won't have a job anymore at the end of the month.  Lulu's is closing May 30th.  I found this out from my co worker who called to ask if I could cover her shift.  It was kind of a shitty way to find out and I got my feelings hurt a little that I was sort of left out.  I know it's b/c I work part time and I'm hardly ever there, but damn, I do exist.  I didn't find out until the last second about our tips going on our checks and that was by accident when I was present for a conversation about it and got filled in only b/c I asked what they were talking about.  

The thing that really gets me though is that my boss told me today that they were told not to tell any clients.  Are you kidding me?!  The reason for this is b/c the owner doesn't want people to get a chance to redeem their gift cards.  It's so outrageous.  She didn't set aside the money to pay us when she sold the gift cards so then she's got to get the money from somewhere else when the gift card is redeemed.  So all these people are going to be calling the spa to use their gift cards only to find out that they are worthless.  I feel terrible for people who got them for Christmas and will never be able to use them.  People sit on those things forever and keep putting off using them.  I guess that's why Clark Howard hates gift cards so much.  I know I would be livid if I spent 300 bucks or so to send someone I love to the spa for the day and found out the place closed.  How terrible.  My boss did tell me that they were telling the regulars who had purchased series (packages) so that they could use them up in time.   She also told me she feared the spa might close even sooner than the end of the month.  I was pretty shocked but then again I'm not there much so I didn't have any idea how bad it was.  Well, maybe a little, since I hadn't had an appointment in ages, but since I wasn't there, I could assume that other people did.  Plus I thought that since it had been around for several years that the spa would survive the weak economy.  Guess I was wrong.  

I do have an appointment for an interview at a massage place here in Woodstock on Monday.  I'm spoiled by Lulu's though.  It'll be hard to go back to working for someplace like Spa Sydell, where they treat you like crap.  Of course, I hope this place won't be like that.  It would be so convenient to be in Woodstock.  It's not a spa though.  I really prefer working in a spa.  I'll just see how it goes.  

What a fun week

We had no water for two days due to a leak in the water line right at the hookup to the main line.  So that was great.  Kip has had hives since Wednesday and has been quite miserable (both my children are allergic to penicillin yay).  Eowyn woke up every 30 minutes or so crying and having a fit for two nights in a row.  Ah, how lovely.  I just keep reminding myself that one day I will look back on this time in my life and miss it terribly.  I won't remember how bad the bad parts really were.  At least last night we all slept better.  I think Eowyn was so overly tired that it disrupted her sleep cycle.  I just do not know what to do with this child.  I had stopped letting her take naps so that she would go to bed at a decent time and that seemed to be working until Wednesday.  So last night I let her nap in the evening and then she didn't go to bed until 11:30.  But at least she didn't wake up all night long.  

It's a sad day in a woman's life for her pride in her appearance and self image when she looks at a pair of shoes she's just put on and sees dried spit up on them and says to herself, "I think that's vomit.  Oh well," and leaves the house WITH THE SHOES ON.  Look what motherhood has done to me.  I am so frumptastic.  I refuse to blame my kids for it though.   I will never be one of those mothers who says they used to be skinny before they had kids .....blah blah.  It's not their fault.  I just can't do both, so I had to let some of my standards for my appearance slide.  I could take more time and effort for myself, but right now it doesn't seem worth it.  So I chose to be frumptastic and a little hairier and less well dressed and heavier for now.  My kids need my time and energy more.  But that doesn't mean it's their fault.  It's my choice.  Sometimes I'm sad about it but I know that I'll get back to that one day.  I'll be a lot older though.  Having kids has really made me realize that nothing is ever perfect.  It's not in the nature of the world.  I wish that I could have everything: time to myself, plenty of money (which means I'd have to go back to work) a clean house, lots of time to ride my horse, to go to the gym and have a decent body, to journal or blog, to meditate every day, to go out with friends and have a good time ....on and on, plus be with my kids all the time.  It's just impossible.  So I have learned when I'm feeling overwhelmed and bad about all of those things I just have to realize that everything does not have to be perfect in order for me to enjoy my life.  Because if that was the case, I never would.

I'm not neglecting this on purpose

I just can't manage to update a lot with the two crumb snatchers hogging all my time.  

It was so weird Thursday having snow and pollen at the same time.  Wonder if that will ever happen again.

I think that Kip's reflux may be getting better.  He hasn't thrown up very much for the past couple of days so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

I made the most amazing cupcakes on Wednesday.  I made everything from scratch and they completely blow away any other cupcakes I've ever eaten.  Of course I've never eaten any cupcakes except for the kind you buy already made at the store. When I told my father that I was going to try making chocolate buttercream frosting he said, "oh....I kinda hope you aren't successful."  Well, I was.  And oh man, just wait till he tastes it.

Miguel's niece got married this past Sunday and Eowyn had a blast running around and playing with the other kids that were there.  So much so that she didn't pay quite enough attention to what was going on with her body.  All of a sudden she comes running up to me saying "Mama, I gotta poop," with this really urgent look on her face.  By the time we got to the bathroom she was bouncing up and down a little and saying, "oh no, oh no, oh no." As I suspected, it was too late.  That is the first time that has happened since she potty trained back in September.  So of course, I had just recently taken the pair of panties I had been keeping in my purse b/c I thought I'd never need them, since I hadn't up to that point.  So for the rest of the day she had to run around in tights with no underwear.  It could have been worse I guess.

I took her to a thing called "Baby Loves Disco" last Saturday.  http://www.babylovesdisco.com/  Aside from the horrible traffic I got stuck in on the way there (of course the event was downtown and there was roadwork going on) with the baby screaming most of the time (he doesn't like the car very much) and thinking that I wasn't going to be able to go the way mapquest said b/c of construction and a closure at my exit (thanks so much Dad, I would have had a tough time without your knowledge of downtown) it was pretty fun.  It was  a little overwhelming for her at first I think, b/c it really is like a nightclub inside, with loud music and flashing lights and people (kids) dancing everywhere, but she had fun.  She got her face painted and danced and had some snacks and I think it was a  success overall.  Next time I am going to try to convince some other people I know with kids her age to go b/c I think she will have more fun if she goes in with someone she knows.  I couldn't dance too much with her b/c I had the baby strapped to me.  I did take a few pictures though.

This will be the first Easter that Eowyn gets an Easter basket and goes on an Easter egg hunt so I am excited.  I love that stuff and I can't wait until she is old enough to dye eggs with.  

Lately she has been insisting on wearing this pink Atlanta Braves shorts outfit I got for her to wear this summer.  She doesn't seem to realize that it's still too cold for shorts.  The other day she put it on with some black shiny dress shoes and put her bag over her shoulder and came and showed me.  It was soooo cute.  Even though it didn't really match, she looked like a fashonista.  My little girl is 100% girl.  The other day when we were at the creek I saw a snake near her while she was picking up a rock to throw in the water and when I picked it up to play with it she would have nothing to do with it.  I think I scared her a little when I gasped when I saw it.  It was just a really small little ringneck snake but it was neat.  She's not afraid of snakes in cages at least.  

Well there is it, now I don't feel like I'm neglecting this anymore.

Spring Pictures

I took the kids monday to have some spring pictures made with a live bunny.  I've only been able to see this one so far but I'm really happy with it and can't wait to see the rest.  Eowyn was loving having her picture taken as usual.  Kip did really well until the end.  It was actually kind of chilly so I was proud of Eowyn toughing it out in that sundress and bare feet.  

A sign of the times?  Yesterday when I called the spa to see if I had any appointments my boss told me that for the first time ever, there were no appointments booked at all that day.  That is quite scary.  

Kip has been really restless the past few days and I'm feeling a bit like we are back in the newborn stage.  He doesn't seem to sleep at night for more than an hour at a time and he wakes up just restless.  Not hungry, just moving and squirming and restless.  I was up and down all night with him.  In the swing, out of the swing.....in the bed, out of the bed.....so tired.  And it's kind of screwed up Eowyn's sleeping schedule b/c since I'm so tired I want to take a nap during the day and then  she takes a nap and then she doesn't want to go to sleep at night until 11:30 or so.  Yay.  We were doing so good there for a while.  If she doesn't take a nap she'll go to bed at like 9:30 and that is just Fantastic.  We'll get back to that I guess.  

My parents' neighbor

I posted the resolution without the full story so here's the whole story front to back.

On Friday evening I was standing out in my parents driveway with them when I saw a police car pull up in the neighbor's driveway.  I commented on it and then noticed there were two.  Then another came and another.  Then emergency vehicles: first a fire truck and then two ambulances.  I was trying my best to get a good look at what was going on through the hedges (being the nosy neighbor that I am, even with other people's neighbors) and all I could see (besides the cops) was an older lady standing by her car on the phone.  I thought it was really weird that she was outside.  We watched the firemen go in and then come back out and then the emergency vehicles left.  At that point I thought that John must have fallen or something and everything was alright.  But then the cops didn't leave.  My parents went inside but I just grabbed a blanket to wrap around the baby because I had to know what was going on.  I stood out there forever and after a little while my dad came back out.  Then a young guy pulled up in our driveway and said this was his uncle's house and asked if he could park there.  I said yeah and then looked at my dad who nodded.   A bit later my dad told me I should have told the kid to park in the grass so my brother could get in the driveway.  I couldn't go up and bother him but as we were standing outside we saw two black cars pull up and more cops get out.  Detectives.  My dad went back in but I stayed outside until I saw one of the detectives get some blue latex gloves out of his trunk and another one holding crime scene tape.  That was a bad sign.  When the cop came over towards my parents' yard unrolling the tape I asked him if he could ask the kid to move his car up into the grass.  That was when he told me John had died.  

A little later two cops came to my parents' door to ask some questions.  Well, at that point you know something really bad has happened.  He didn't tell us much except that John had been killed.  It  was unbelievable and I didn't know if we'd ever find out what happened.  

Fast forward to the next day.

So I know what happened to my parents' neighbor.  It was all very tragic and senseless.  Apparantly his roommate/caregiver shot him and took his car.   My neighbor was 67 and a retired lawyer (I never new he was a lawyer).  He was a good neighbor and a caring man.  It blows my mind that while cars were driving by and people in neighboring houses (including my parents) were sleeping he was being murdered.  I really hope that he never even knew it was happening, he was just asleep and one minute alive and the next minute he wasn't.  From what his niece and nephew told my parents when they came over, he was supposed to meet someone that morning and didn't.  Also they said someone was using his card and the company was trying to reach him and couldn't and they called his sister who went to his house and found him.  He was sitting in his chair with a blanket over him and she didn't even realize right away he was dead.  So that makes me think that it happened without him knowing it.  I hope he was asleep in that chair when it happened.  I can't imagine the killer would take the time to reposition him after murdering him.   I guess we'll never really know why, since the man who did it killed himself during a traffic stop in Zebulon (a town south of Atlanta).  That guy always did seem a little weird but as my dad put it, lots of people are weird.  It doesn't mean you think they are going to kill someone.  

I have been thinking about John a lot and remebering stuff.  Like how he came down (a little tipsy) on y2k new years and gave us glasses of champagne while we stood outside watching the fireworks.  And how one time he asked my mom why we didn't have a concrete pad beside our driveway to turn around on so we didn't have to back out onto the busy road.  He said "I worry every time I see them do it (referring, I think, to my brother and I).  I'm afraid it's going to be a bloody mess, just a bloody mess."  I was trying to remember if we went to his house on halloween and I'm sure we did since he's been there for a long time.  I don't think I was any older than 13 when he moved in (although my brother says it was later).  We took goodies to him at Christmas and he used to bring our dog a biscuit every day that he made himself.  He used to sit at night all the time with his living room blinds open.  I'm glad that we got to know him and I'm very sad that he was murdered.  It's so tragic and senseless.

Do it for the children

I have to say, I am getting a little tired of these reality show contestants justifying leaving their children for weeks and weeks by saying they are "doing it for their family."  Please.  You are doing it for yourself.  I actually can believe it a little bit from the men, since they have a different relationship with their children and it usually involves making most if not all of the money.  But these girls I see on American Idol and Make Me a Supermodel leaving their extremely young children for weeks and weeks rationalizing it by saying "I'm doing it for my child" make me laugh.  Your child does not want you to be a supermodel.  Probably not a famous singer either.  Do you know how much more you will be away if you actually succeed?  Your child does not care how much more money you will make.  They are the few still untainted people who value people and love more than money (okay, so maybe lots of people who are grown up do to but sometimes it doesn't seem like it).  They would much rather have their mothers around them.  I'm all for following your dreams, and I don't necessarily think they are doing a "bad" thing or even the wrong thing and they may even think they are doing it for their children.  But when it comes down to it, they are really doing it because they want to.  They want to be rich and famous.  Well, once you have kids, for those few short first years they really really need you.  A lot.  So traveling the world being rich and famous is not going to be good for them, no matter how much you want it to.  When I was a little girl, I wanted a horse more than anything in the world.  I literally cried myself to sleep just about every night I wanted one so bad.  I wanted a horse more than anyone else in the world, I really did.  But if I had had the choice between having my dad around  like he was or having a horse, I would not hesitate to choose my Dad.  And I did get my horse.  And it was my Daddy who got him for me.  But I had to work for him too.  He was my dream.  He still is.  But I would never ever choose him over my children.

This is a bit overdue

But I just couldn't find the time until now.  Having 2 kids is ten times harder than having one.  But better late than never.

So, I had my baby in the car.  As my best friend put it when talking to her friend from Pennsylvania: "that's how they do it here in Georgia.  They have their babies in their husband's pick up trucks. "  But let's start at the begining.  

I went to the midwife for a regular appointment the day before and when she checked me, she said my cervix was really thin.  This gave me hope as my due date was the next day and I didn't want any pressure to induce labor.  I wanted to go as natural as possible.  I'd been faithfully listening to my "hypnobabies" scripts and reading my workbook (this is a childbirth technique that uses hypnosis to cope with birthing.  Ideally, you are supposed to have a pain free birth check this out if you are interested  http://deanaryan.wordpress.com/2008/06/12/dateline-hypnosis-during-childbirth/).  

So on the way home from the hospital, I began to feel "something."  Since with my first one the water broke first and we just went to the hospital and they had to "help" me along a little, I didn't have much to compare this feeling to.  I just sort of thought, "hmmmm.  this might be something."  I kept feeling this little something, which, true to the hypnosis scripts I'd been practicing, was indeed pressure.  Just a little.  But I noticed, and I thought, well, I might have a baby tomorrow.  But I didn't get to excited, since sometimes labor (or "birthing time" as we call it with hypnobabies) starts and stops a little in the begining.  

By ten o'clock, though, I was watching the clock, and noticing that I was feeling these "pressure waves" (another hypnobabies term) somewhat regularly, about every 10 minutes.  I told my husband I thought I might have the baby tomorrow.  That night I went to sleep listening to my hypnobabies.  By the time I was falling asleep the pressure waves were enough to wake me up but I went right back to sleep after each one.  At 4 o'clock I woke up and the waves were too intense to sleep through anymore.  I laid there and watched the clock.  Every 5 minutes, pretty much exactly.  I laid there for a little while, thinking, "wow, this hypnosis stuff really does work." Well, sort of.  Part of me was also saying, "this can't really be it.  It doesn't hurt at all.  I've got a while to go."   All I was feeling was pressure.  So I updated my facebook and myspace status.  I put something like "I'm having this baby today."  I put off waking up my hubby, since I knew he wouldn't go back to sleep.  Eventually I did, or thought I did, but he'd been awake since he heard me flush the toilet.  He knew something was up after that.  I told him to go back to sleep b/c I thought I had until the afternoon.  Wishful thinking.  I wanted to go to the hospital after morning rush hour and deliver shortly after I got there.  When Miguel got ready to take Eowyn to his family's house to stay while we were at the hospital, he suggested I go ahead and go to the hospital.  I didn't want to though b/c I really wanted a natural birth and wanted to stay home as long as possible.  So he left with her, after I said an emotional goodbye to her, knowing that the next time I saw her, she wouldn't be my only child anymore.  I had already called my parents to tell them and my mom said she'd come stay with me at the house until we left for the hospital.  I said not to rush.  I had plenty of time.  I was still listening to my hypnobabies while making brownies for the nurses (this is another hypnobabies thing).  By the time I was almost done the waves were getting really intense and I decided to try to enter hypnosis.  I got on the birth ball and did my best but I may have waited a little too long.  Now it was begining to hurt.  I made sure I had everyting I needed packed and ready.  Before too long I was moaning and wishing Miguel would hurry up b/c I couldn't WAIT to go get an epidural :).   I had all these great intentions but it's just not that easy.  When he got home I was in the bathroom moaning and I told him I was ready and to get everything in the car.  Once I got out and was putting the dog in the crate a wave hit me and I leaned over and grabbed the crate and rocked back and forth moaning and trying not to scream.  The poor dog was probably terrified.  I considered staying home b/c I was starting to think I might not have long to go and did not want to get in the truck where I couldn't move around to cope with the waves but I knew I had to get going.  When I got outside another one hit me and I leaned over the hood of the car and stayed as quiet as I could in order not to alarm the whole neighborhood.  Miguel was like "get in the truck!" but I told him I wanted to wait until the last minute.  My mom pulled up just as we were pulling out and said she'd follow us to the hospital.  Little did I know we lost her at the first traffic light but this would later prove to be a good thing.  I tried and tried to enter hypnosis but I'm not sure I ever made it.  I did however manage to stay as calm as I could by reminding myself that nothing bad was going to happen to me.  You do begin to become afraid b/c you can't imagine being in that much pain and not dying.  That is why support is so key if you want a natural labor.  I began to say, over and over every time one came: "Icandoit Icandoit Icandoit I can DO ITTTTTTTTTT!"  I'm sure I sounded like I was trying to convince myself, and indeed I was.  I tried to have Miguel call the midwife, but it was about 8 o'clock, right between answering service and the office opening so we got a machine.  I had to listen and push buttons and pray I'd be able to talk if I actually got someone.  When I finally did, I practically threw the phone at Miguel.  

Not long before we crossed the river, I began to think I was feeling the urge to push.  Uh oh.  With Eowyn I had an epidural so I wasn't completely sure.  Until the next one.  Yep, that's the urge to push alright.  But strangely enough, the sensation changed.  It didn't hurt nearly so bad.  It was still incredibly intense but bearable.  Maybe that's b/c I knew it was almost over.  So much for that epidural.  I was glad though.  I was going to have that natural bith.  Except, it might be in the car.  

People at red lights and bus stops stared as my husband did his best to get through the rush hour traffic with a writhing, moaning, laboring woman.   When my water broke as we went over the river, I realized I'd forgotton to put down towels to sit on incase this very thing happened. Miguel got lost, distracted by me, he claims, as I grabbed hold of his arm during a wave.  He always blames me when we get lost.  

As we drove around the perimeter mall area, I thought to myself, "I'm going to have my baby in the parking lot."  I told Miguel to pull over, but he said "I can't pull over!" Now he had the stress of being lost to add to the stress of wife having baby.  He didn't really believe I was about to have the baby until I ripped off my pants.  What can I say, I can't have the baby in my pants.  I vaugely wondered if my mom was aimlessly driving around Peachtree Dunwoody, thoroughly lost.  She couldn't find her way out of a paper bag.

We did make it to the hospital though.  The security guy thought my husband just another panicked father when he jumped out of the car and said "My wife's having the baby!"  He said, "don't worry son."  My husband responded, "Do something you idiot!"  When Miguel opened my door, I asked him if he could see the baby's head.  Affirmitave.  I knew it was there but I wanted confirmation.  Then here comes someone with a wheelchair.  Um, no.  A baby's head is coming out of me.  Finally I saw the nurses come running out the front door.  They began throwing towels and sheets over the windows of the truck.  I vaugely wondered why.  I could have cared less if a news crew started taping the birth.  One of the nurses told me not to shout (I could have smacked her) and to bear down with the next one.  I complied and out he came, crying just like a good little newborn.  They didn't say right away that he was a boy (they probably thought I knew) so I said "is it a boy or a girl?"  One of the nurses said, "it's a little boy."  I looked at my husband, surprised as I've ever been in my life. "It's a boy?  It's a boy!?"

I didn't believe it till I changed a diaper.

Remember that time you thought you found a dead body?

Oh, that was Friday night.  I was coming home from my parents' house at a little after 10pm.  My house is at the bottom of a pretty steep hill, the last house on the left of a dead end street.  A really dead end.  So dead that if you keep going, you end up in the creek. So as I was about to pull into my driveway, I notice a red car has crashed way back in the trees.  I called my husband to come out and walked over to it with the flashlight.  I went over before he even came out b/c I was really in a hurry to see if there was anyone in the car.   But I was a little trepidacious so I went back and told him to come with me.   I shined my light in through the back of the red Jeep Cherokee and it looked like there wasn't anyone in the car, so I decided to go around the side to see if the driver's side door was open, or if I could get a better look.  Good thing I was wearing my barn boots b/c it was really muddy (it had been raining most of the day and still was a little).   Well, when I got around to that side, I looked into the creek and I saw something in the water.  It was of course high and muddy due to all the rain, so it was hard to tell what that something was.  There were branches blocking the door and I could see no one was in the car.  I looked at this thing in the water and by this time I was getting a little worked up.  It looked like it could be someone's arm and shoulder, clad in a black jacket.  I could almost see part of a hand at the end of what would have been a sleeve.  I told my husband I might have found a body. Then I told him to go check on the baby who was still in the car in his carseat.  I did the only thing I could think to do, I got a long stick to poke it with.  I felt really bad poking it with a stick but how else was I going to know?  I certainly couldn't jump in with the dead body.  Well, like I said, by this time I was pretty worked up and I guess my imagination really got the best of me, and when I touched it, it really felt kind of solid.  Well, that did it.  I went as fast as I could through the wet trees and hauled ass to the garage spewing "God almighty, I think it's a dead body, I really do, Jesus Christ!"  I shakily grabbed my phone and dialed 911, wondering if it was going to be like it always is in my dreams, where either I can't hit the right numbers, or my phone won't work, or the dispatcher asks me some stupid question like what is my social security number.  It worked right though and they sent the cops.  The dispatcher stayed on the phone with me until they got there.  I took the officer to the side of the creek and showed him what I'd seen.  For a second my mind debated: "should I stay and see if it actually is a body?" I quickly decided I really didn't want to see any more than I had of a possible dead body and told the cop I was going back to my children.  And that's what I did.  They came a few minutes later and asked some questions and informed me that that  something was indeed just a piece of trash.  I felt like an idiot, but in a good way.  As freaked out as I was, I did tell the dispatcher that I wasn't entirely sure it was a body, but I wasn't sure it wasn't.   It was a Papa Johns delivery man's car, and some neighbors who came down to see what was going on said that they had seen a Papa Johns guy walking up the street a couple of hours earlier.   Why he didn't try to get his car out, I don't know.  Maybe b/c the front of it was actually in the water.  It took the tow company over an hour and two trucks to get it out.  I feel kinda bad now b/c now the guy will have to get his car out of impound and probably get a ticket.  I only called b/c I thought I'd found a body.  I told my husband, "now this will be just a funny story.  Remember that time you thought you found a dead body?"