Looking like a Mom

Okay, I want to know something. When did looking like a Mom become a fate worse than death? When did our country become so obsessed with perfection and youth that being a mom was okay, but looking like one was to be avoided at all costs. Is there any other job or identity out there that people want to have but not to appear to have? How did we get so backward? Why do mother's magazines and catalogs all have pictures of perfectly thin, perfectly dressed, perfectly made up, perfectly cellulite and stretch mark free bodies, with perfect breasts? How realistic is that? What is so atrocious about a few stretch marks? These are signs of a woman who has achieved the ultimate in femininity. What is so horrible about breasts that look as if they have nurtured and fed babies? Why do we all so dread "looking like a mom?" What is so wrong with looking as if you are giving it all to your babies, and so maybe you didn't have the time to put on makeup, and spend an hour on your hair? What kind of mothers are the women who "don't look like a mom?" Are they just so great that they have time for everything. Ha! Maybe if they have a super laid back baby who doesn't need a lot of mothering, then they may have time for looking like a super model (or a "supermom") but then, does her baby get less attention? As for the notion that a woman can manage to attend to her baby properly, never denying him her attention and love, and still manage to look like a supermodel: I put that under the category of "Anything's Possible." You know, like my chance of being discovered at the grocery store and whisked away to Hollywood to begin my career of super stardom. It could happen, but I'm probably more likely to win the lottery. I'm not trying to make anyone feel like a bad mom, here, by the way. I'm just at odds with the what society in our culture expects of mothers. Okay, yeah, I think Mom Jeans are hideous. But if I see a woman out in public with her small children, and she's dressed in sweats, with her hair in a ponytail, with no makeup on, I know that there is a woman who cares more about her children, and about being a mom, than about looking like one. Why don't we honor mothers the way other cultures do? Sure, most people are nicer to pregnant women, and give them some special treatment, but once you have that baby, you're expected to loose the baby weight immediately and look like you just stepped out of a magazine. Some women are just lucky; they are thin no matter what, they are those adorable pregnant women whose bodies are perfect the whole way through pregnancy, except they just look like they swallowed a bowling ball. They loose the weight without even trying. My best friend is like that. She's gorgeous the whole way through pregnancy and after. But she doesn't look like a magazine, either. She's gorgeous in a natural way. So why can't we start looking at all mothers like that? Beautiful as people, as dedicated mothers? Not just as women. Why does your relevance and usefulness seem to vanish as soon as you "look like a mom?" Don't most men want their wives to be good mothers? Isn't that, shouldn't that be any mother's goal? To be a good mom? Not a beautiful, perfectly airbrushed, made up mom. A real mom. A mom who cares more about her childrens' welfare than her own appearance. That being said, we mothers do have to honor the woman that we are, and take care of ourselves, or we risk feeling resentful or angry. But we need to cut ourselves some slack. I may be one of those women who "looks like a mom." I'm lucky to get a shower. Sometimes I might almost forget to brush my teeth. I try to remind myself that "supermom" is a myth, and I can't expect to look perfect. I wish I didn't feel so bad about the way I look. I'm pretty sure the pressure comes from living in this culture. Hopefully some day soon, we will start to expect moms to "look like moms." Does anything in the world make more sense?

Well, I quit Neem Tree. This all happened a week ago today. Asha (owner of the spa) wanted me to give her a massage, and long story short, she made up a lie and left the table, and called Lana and bitched her out, saying that it was all wrong; I didn't do the circles on her shoulders right, and the pressure was not enough, even though I asked her how the pressure was, and she told me I could give her a "little more," which was obviously not what she really wanted. HOW I ask you, can I read her mind?! What is with these people? I am not a robot. I cannot give the exact same massage to every client with the exact same pressure like a machine. Who would want that anyway? I know the shushupti, the warrior, all that, and I do it just like they do. I don't know what she wants. Ugh. Asha called and left me a message, but she didn't answer when I called back. I just felt like what she did was a total slap in the face. If she would have told me what she really wanted, it would have been different. Instead, she lied and left. How do they expect to keep people when they won't let you have tips, have no clients, won't let you leave if you have no clients, and want to dictate your every move during a massage? I am not kidding you, she even said I wasn't breathing right! COME ON! You are going to tell me how to breathe too! Give me a break. I think if Asha opened a restaurant, she would only serve her own favorite dish, because that's what she likes, so that must be what everyone likes. It's okay to have a signature treatment, but realize that not everyone will be into that. Maybe that's why they are so lacking in clientèle. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm leaving; I'm going tomorrow to get my stuff (I brought a heater, my stool, everything). I will still talk to Asha if she wants to talk to me, but I really just don't think I can continue there. That really hurt my feelings. I have enough insecurity about my ability as a massage therapist as it is. I would like to tell her how I feel. Not to mention the fact that they are misclassifying their workers as independent contractors, so they don't have to pay the taxes. I looked it up, and by the IRS's definition, we are NOT independent contractors. I think they are doing it on purpose, which could land them fines, back taxes with interest, require them to pay all the taxes their employees already paid back to the employees, and even result in criminal charges. Lana (the spa manager) said she was sure that I knew what I was doing, and that she would not have booked me if she felt I wasn't capable. I gave her a massage. I gave Josie ( my coworker who is also a massage therapist) a massage, and I gave Zaundra (also a coworker) a warrior in training. Asha said in her message she was going to come train me, but shit, I've been doing massage for four freaking years now, how much training is it going to take? She said in her message that she feels that I have "enormous potential." What? I've been doing massage for four years now with only potential? I see why they have been through so many people. I really like Lana and Josie and Zaundra. They are really fun and everything. I'll miss them. I don't think Asha realizes that it is b/c of her that I am leaving. That was total bullshit. If she can't tell me what she wants in a massage, how can she expect me do it?!! Plus, I just don't think I can stomach being "trained" by someone who is not even a massage therapist. It was hard enough having Lana training me, and feeling like everything I was doing was wrong. I loved the spa, it was so beautiful. I loved the way they treated their clients. They actually care about their clients, unlike Spa Sydell. I just think if a person comes in and pays 110-150 dollars for a massage, they should damn well get exactly what they want and need, not just the standard treatment. I'm truly grateful for the experience; it inspired me to want to open my own spa (well, with my trusty partner, you know who you are ;). It gave me tons of ideas. Now I'm happy to be home with my baby, where I belong. I am not going to try the full time thing again. It just didn't work out. That was a big part of why I couldn't keep working at Neem Tree. To be there all day, with no clients, and have to just sit around thinking about my baby and missing her was just too much. I couldn't take it. That was a big factor in my decision. But mainly, it was Asha. I was really offended by her leaving the table like that, and I think she's forgotten what it's like to be trying to earn your living doing services. Well, that's the story people.

Preview

Who wants a cookie-cutter massage? Do you think you want the same massage as the last person I worked on? The same pressure? The same everything?!!!
More to come.

It's 2:26 am! What the hell am I doing up?!

Oh man, am I behind on my blogging. That would be due to the fact that I have NO time. You should see my house. Since my child is a hardcore sleep fighter, she now usually doesn't go to sleep until midnight or so (oh yeah, we are talking 12 in the am) because I have pretty much given up on trying to get her to sleep when she has no mind to. It just creates frustration. So, I have no time for this blogging thing. If I try to do anything on the computer, she's right next to me, clicking the mouse and pushing every button she can reach. She's shut down the computer a couple of times somehow. Repeat after me: you will miss these times someday. Maybe I'll do some updating at work since I seem to never have anything else to do. Hey people! Come get a massage already!